UUUGGGHHH

No time for small talk this week. Brother came up for the weekend from North Carolina. Went to Third Eye Blind concert last night. Stacks of work piling up. No motivation to stay awake, let alone do work. Kill me now.

Minnesota (-10.5) over St. Louis
Dallas (-7) over Kansas City
Carolina (-4.5) over Washington
Philadelphia (-15.5) over Tampa Bay
NY Giants (-15.5) over Oakland
Buffalo (-6) over Cleveland
Cincinnati (+9) over Baltimore
Pittsburgh (-11) over Detroit
Atlanta (+1.5) over San Francisco
New England (-3) over Denver
Arizona (-5.5) over Houston
Jacksonville (+1.5) over Seattle
Indianapolis (-4) over Tennessee
NY Jets (-2.5) over Miami

Last Week: 9-5
Season: 26-20

Golf Reform

Look I know. I’m blowing it again. But I refuse to have a repeat of last year. No more missed weeks. And don’t expect me to take the losses for games I don’t pick like I did last year. Those were outstanding circumstances. This was just one week, so let’s just pretend it didn’t happen, bury the hatchet and move on. I can’t afford to take 16 losses. And forget about the season predictions. That ship set sail long ago, and it’s not like I’m an expert or anything or trying to be (but then what is the point of this blog?) I digress.

Before I get started, did everyone see Tim Wakefield win a million bucks by drilling that hole-in-one a couple of weeks ago? That was awesome. Great shot, and an even better celebration. I wish the pros did it like that. Golf would be a lot more interesting. There just so good though that there’s no chance they would react like that unless it was to win the U.S. Open or something. Because after watching Vijah Singh get that hole-in-one at the Masters par-3 tourney, I’m convinced golfers can do anything. (P.S. I find incredibly hard to believe that the guy is not Tim Wakefield. Just look at him. Are you serious?)

Actually this is a great segue; I have so many ideas floating around in my head on how to make golf a more exciting sport. For starters, trash talk must be allowed. Maybe not in the middle of someone’s backswing, but absolutely in between shots. It adds a whole different psychological dimension. Sure, golfers go through enough with the mental battle in their own head, but I’d like to see them handle getting rattled by other golfers smack talk. Another implement that needs to be added to the golfing world: a shot clock. This will be called dubbed the Sergio Garcia rule. I literally can’t watch that guy golf. Every time he flashes on the screen I change the channel, unless it’s one of those quick switches where the cameras get him right before he shoots. My final rule that I’ll hit you with for now (because I have many innovative ideas to reinvent the sport of golf which you will hear about at some point or another) is more of a philosophy and atmosphere than it is a rule. Ever since I saw Happy Gilmore, I have always envisioned that football-ish, Nascar-esque crowd at golf tournaments. Tailgating, alcohol vendors, air horns, the whole nine yards. Just think about it. Let these things stew around in your brain for a while, you’ll see it my way.

What am I supposed to be talking about again? O yeah, football. It is still a sore spot two weeks later, but this is one thing that I will say about the Jets-Pats catastrophe: Jets fans need to relax. Seriously. This was an actual Facebook status from one of my friends: “apparently the Jets just one the Super Bowl. Congratulations. Now the Patriots can focus on winning the ACTUAL Super Bowl.” I mean you guys gotta calm down. You played a good game and you finally beat us for like the first time in a decade or whatever. It’s been three weeks, and you have the makings of a good team, but it’s a long season, and you got a rookie QB. Also, your coach looks very susceptible to a heart attack at any moment. For now, just keep it in your pants and see what happens the rest of the season.

(That all being said, I’m kind of scared. I think the Pats will right the ship and be fine, but the Jets have looked too good. I really hope the Saints bring us all back to earth).

A quick random thought: I would like to go on record as saying that I would not go to a Browns/Rams game if someone paid me. My friends and I were having this discussion, and we decided that hands down it would be the worst NFL game in the history of the league. There is not one attractive feature that could possibly allure someone to that game, unless of course they went out of sheer curiosity to see how bad the worst the NFL has to offer really is. Actually the comedy factor of that game would be off the charts with just awful play and awful play. We’d be looking at possibly the first 0-0 tie ever. And not because of great defense, but because of a complete absence of anything even slightly resembling offense. You know what I just convinced myself. I take it back I would go.

Houston (-8.5) over Oakland- someone has to win

Tennessee (-3) over Jacksonville

New England (-2) over Baltimore- keeping the faith

Cincinnati (-6.5) over Cleveland- because their Cleveland

NY Giants (-8.5) over Kansas City

Detroit (+10) over Chicago- The Lions have had a knack for streaks lately, and they did win last week…

(Another P.S.- I totally picked the Lions to win last week. I could see that coming and I nailed it on the head, and I'm so pissed at myself for being lazy and not posting. Karma.)

Tampa Bay (+9) over Washington- a small step above Browns v. Rams

Indianapolis (-10) over Seattle

New Orleans (-7.5) over NY Jets- Jets get a reality check

Miami (-1) over Buffalo

San Francisco (-9) over St. Louis- for obvious reasons

Denver (+3) over Dallas

San Diego (+6) over Pittsburgh

Green Bay (+3.5) over Minnesota- Just read this blurb from Bill Simmons latest column:

“In one of those Nostradamus specials, I'm almost positive that he predicted floods, fires and pestilence if Brett Favre ever played against the Packers in a sanctioned NFL game. This is really a sporting event unlike any other. I can't stop thinking about Packers fans; if Larry Bird had ever played against the Celtics, I would have wandered the streets of Boston for weeks and probably ended up trying heroin. Hard to believe we're here.”

Last week (2 weeks ago): 8-8
Season: 17-15

Kansas City (-2.5) over Oakland
Tennessee (-7) over Houston
New England (-3.5) over NY Jets
Green Bay (-8) over Cincinnati
Minnesota (-10) over Detroit
New Orleans (-3) over Philadelphia
Atlanta (-6) over Carolina
St. Louis (+9.5) over Washington
Jacksonville (-3) over Arizona
Seattle (+1) over San Francisco
Tampa Bay (+4) over Buffalo
Denver (-3) over Cleveland
Baltimore (+1) over San Diego
Pittsburgh (-3) over Chicago
NY Giants (+3) over Dallas
Indianapolis (-3) over Miami

Last Week: 9-7

And So it Begins...

One of the basic rules of physics goes as follows:

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I find no better example in life than what is going on right now. My senior year of college is underway, and I am feeling all the pressures of the real world on my shoulders as I plan to graduate in nine months. Gotta tell you, I thought that when I saw Angelica Houston reveal herself as a witch in “The Witches” when I was four years old that I would never be more scared in my life, but this is pretty damn close.

But, like in physics, there is an equal and opposite reaction, and that is the return of the NFL. Aside from March Madness, the NFL is the greatest sports event, and it happens every single week. It provides that breath of fresh air, where school and work go out the window and all that matters is the fantasy production of the players on your team and those on the team of your unlucky opponent (at least in my case; my teams are going to friggen clean up, but that is a topic to be discussed later).

And once again this time is upon us. The great thing about the beginning of the season is that every team starts with a clean slate. After my collapse last season (if you want to see my record look in the past blogs, but you could not pay me enough to counter the embarrassment I would receive posting it to remind you). That All-Disappointment Team I promised and never delivered on? Just chalk me up as the starter, coach, and MVP of that team. Just and all-around meltdown. But that was last season and this is this season. If the Detroit Lions get to start off back at .500, then so do I. 0-0-0 baby.

Let me share with you some things I learned in the offseason:

1. Michael Crabtree is an idiot
2. I inexplicably may miss John Madden
3. Brett Favre will never retire; he will just die of old age
4. I hate Jay Cutler
5. The video of Brandon Marshall swatting away passes is hilarious
6. Ochocinco was born to be a reality TV star; T.O. was not

I think anyone can deduce where I got these from, it’s pretty self-explanatory. I need to get these picks in before Tennessee and Pittsburgh kick off, but you can expect some predictions (for both the season and for fantasy) to come shortly. And of course, a tribute to my main man Tedy Bruschi. Don’t think for a second that I overlooked that.

Making selections for Week 1 of the NFL regular season reminds me of that new show on ABC where people date in the dark. You really don’t know what you’re dealing with; everything is just based on gut instinct. Let’s roll the dice:

Pittsburgh (-6.5) over Tennessee
Atlanta (-4) over Miami
Kansas City (+13) over Baltimore
Philadelphia (-2.5) over Carolina
Denver (+4) over Cincinnati
Minnesota (-4) over Cleveland
Houston (-4.5) over NY Jets
Indianapolis (-7) over Jacksonville
New Orleans (-13) over Detroit
Tampa Bay (+6) over Dallas
San Francisco (+6.5) over Arizona
Washington (+6.5) over NY Giants
Seattle (-8.5) over St. Louis
Green Bay (-3.5) over Chicago
New England (-11) over Buffalo
San Diego (-9.5) over Oakland

Things Are Getting Pretty Serious

Just a quick note: I’m writing this post as I watch the national championship game between Oklahoma and Florida (trust me I’m struggling through it, but the Office is a repeat and there is nothing else worth watching on). You know, college football already has enough working against it as it is. Every year, the question of is the BCS champion the real national champion? is always pondered, and lots of years a “split” national championship is settled upon. That’s absolute crap, and that is why college football sucks. I feel like this is what would happen if Donovan McNabb was in charge of college football, but alas he is not, and it still happens. Whatever, I’m past it. PIIIICKS

The first game of the divisional round is going to be an absolute slugfest. They’ll be more hitting and fighting than actual football playing when Baltimore takes on Tennessee, but then again, isn’t that what football is really all about? I expect a similar game to their matchup from the regular season which the Titans won 13-10.
It makes me nervous to take Kerry Collins against the Ravens in the playoffs (see Super Bowl XXXV), but I think I’d be more nervous taking the rookie Joe Flacco against the Titans defense. Both teams are awesome on defense, both teams can pound the running game, but I say the gray beard (Collins) wins a squeaker at home with the crowd behind him. The X-Factor however, is Ed Reed. He’s the man. I really just can’t use words to describe how incredible he is, but I’ll just leave it at that. Also, when I see him have returns like this one last week, I wonder why they don’t use him on special teams more, or on offense. Regardless, he’s the reason why I’m taking Baltimore (+3) to cover.

On the flipside, I don’t see a repeat game of the Cardinals-Panthers regular season game happening tonight. Carolina was 8-0 at home this year, and Arizona was 3-5 on the road. Carolina will shove the ball down the Cardinals throat with Williams and Stewart, who will probably have about a buck-fifty each, and when the Cardinals put eight men in the box? Well then Steve Smith will be there to burn them. I think the Panthers win big, so I’m going with Carolina (-10). Don’t underestimate the combo of Smith-Muhammed in the playoffs. It’s deadly.

I still think that the Giants are the team to beat in the NFC, and the entire league as well, and I don’t trust Philly; not one bit. I think Philly could go 16-0 and tear up the league, but if Andy Reid was still their coach and McNabb was still their QB I would continue to bet against them. Because the Giants lost three of their last four (even though none of them mattered except the game they won against Carolina) and the Eagles beat the Giants at the Meadowlands a few weeks ago, I’ll pick Philadelphia (+4) to cover. But I still have a feeling the G-men will pull it out.

I’m not buying the whole “San Diego is hot” thing (even though they are). The Chargers always play the Steelers tough, Big Ben is banged up, and…Mike Scifres is perhaps the greatest punter ever. I am confident in saying he will be the very first kicker elected into the Hall of Fame. I would bet a moderate amount of money on it (maybe like $20). He will give the Chargers a huge edge in the field position battle. But if I know one thing it’s that you don’t bet against the league’s #1 defense at home in the playoffs…straight up at least. I’ll take San Diego (+6) to cover. I missed the cover on this game in the regular season when Pitt won 11-10 and Polamalu’s return for TD as time expired didn’t count when it should have. This game will be pretty similar, and I will have my redemption.

So I’m taking three underdogs with the spread, but not to win straight up. That is some very risky business, but hey, all that matters is the spread anyways. If one of them wins outright, I still win. Beautiful.

Oh, yeah, and that all-disappointment team is still in the workings and on its way soon. I’m really building the suspense with that one. You people can’t even sit still waiting for it. I can feel it.

Wild Card Weekend

Okay so just disregard the regular season. As any respectable coach would tell you, playoffs are a new season. Everyone is 0-0, and if you lose, you’re going home. I’d like to take that same approach here. After a regular season which I would like to forget, I’m going to use the playoffs as my rebound. Granted I did so poorly because I missed several weeks, but I’m not one for excuses. I was going to refuse to make playoff picks as a “f--- you” to the league for their extremely questionable rules regarding which teams make the postseason. I mean I am livid. The Patriots win their last four games and finish 11-5, and miss out. Yet, the Chargers, who won their last four games to finish just 8-8, not only get in but get to host a wild card game. Not to mention that none of their four victories were over playoff teams, and included was a one point victory over 2-14 Kansas City. But you know what, I’m passed all that for two reasons: 1) I love the NFL, and 2) I am a strong believer in karma. The Pats will get theirs when the perfect storm that I discussed a few posts ago is unleashed.

Cardinals (+2.5) over Falcons

Both the NFC games are completely tearing my insides apart. I don’t know who to pick in either matchup. The Cardinals have looked awful lately. I went to the game they played at New England, and it was a complete joke. It was obvious from the opening kickoff they were missing the cozy desert heat, and wanted no part of that Foxboro winter storm. Also, Michael Turner was second in the league with 1,700 rush yards, and the Cardinals rush defense could be gouged by Rashaan Salaam (so pumped I got that reference in there). But still, who’s to say the Cardinals are going to continue the trend they ended the season on? They really had nothing to play for as they had the division wrapped up, so can you blame them for wanting to get the hell out of Massachusetts? (It was absolutely freezing). The Falcons are just 4-4 away from home, and their less-than-stellar pass defense will have trouble stopping the Boldin-Fitzgerald aerial assault. It’s going to be close and high scoring, but I’ll take the home team and the points.

Indianapolis (-3) over San Diego

Yeah…I’m definitely not as worried about the AFC matchups. Indy has won nine in a row, they have the hilarious Peyton Manning (who I guess is pretty good too as he was named MVP), and they are clicking on all cylinders. San Diego has won four straight, but none against playoff teams. And I don’t want to hear this crap about “well they have a lot of talent and they seem to be gelling at the right time.” There is a reason this team started the season 4-8, and LT is still nicked up. To boot, the Chargers are still coached by Norv Turner. Home field advantage will not be enough, and Indy will win by more than just the last second field goal they prevailed by against the Chargers during the regular season. I fully expect this game to reflect the Chargers season- they’ll make stupid mistakes and underachieve to dig themselves into a hole they can’t get out of. Or maybe they’ll self destruct in the fourth quarter. I don’t know. Don’t worry, they’ll lose one way or another.

Baltimore (-2) over Miami

No reason to think that Baltimore won’t see the same result they did when they throttled Miami 27-13 in week 7. Before they lost to Pittsburgh for the second time, I was going to say that the Ravens season was beginning to look eerily similar to their season the year they won the Super Bowl when they quietly won their last seven games with dominating defense to finish 12-4 (minus Trent Dilfer…er, wait, isn’t that a plus?) Still, the Ravens won 5 of their last six and had some impressive performances. Congratulations to Miami on the best turnaround in the history of the NFL (1-15 to 11-5 division champs), but they’ve done that by being efficient, and they really got the most out of their team. Kudos to Pennington, but the Dolphins benefitted from a weak schedule. Also, two point victories over Seattle and Oakland, a four point win over St. Louis, and a five point win over San Francisco make the Dolphins record better than I believe they actually are, in a year where they lost to non-playoff teams in Houston and the NY Jets.

Minnesota (+3) over Philadelphia

I can’t believe I’m actually picking a Tarvaris-Jackson-led team to win a playoff game, but my hands are tied—just look at what the alternative is. I mean there are so many reasons not to pick the Vikings, for instance the fact that Tarvaris Jackson is the quarterback which I just mentioned. Anyone who saw the end of last week’s game against the Giants would cringe at picking a team coached by the clock management wiz Brad Childress. All that being said, I have faith in the Vikings defense and the league’s leading rusher Adrian Peterson, especially at home where they’ve beaten the Panthers, Giants, and Bears. I also have more faith in a team that’s gone 5-1 in their last six games versus Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb. I don’t care what else the Eagles have done; if you watched what they did in consecutive weeks against Baltimore and Cincy you wouldn’t trust them to beat Virginia Tech. I hope it goes into double overtime and McNabb walks off the field thinking the game ended in a tie.

I know the All-Disappointment team has been a disappointment in itself so far, but don’t fret people it’s on its way.