Week 6: Not So Proud To Be A Texan

So, what have we learned from this past week in the NFL? For one thing, we learned that Sage Rosenfels will never have to pay for a drink again in the state of Indiana. He single handedly brought upon the Texans one of the worst collapses I have ever witnessed. I seriously believe that people don’t understand the magnitude of this epic meltdown. This is one that you don’t recover from. This is like White Goodman after Globo Gym loses to Average Joe’s. I don’t think the Texans can rebound from this loss. Their year might as well be over. It’s a shame, especially with all the devastation that the city of Houston has endured recently. Don’t hang your heads though, at least you still have…(let me see, the Rockets can’t make it out of the first round, the Astros didn’t make the playoffs, the Comets…) the Comets! How are they doing?

Another thing: Miami is going to the Super Bowl. Don’t even begin to question it, just accept it as fact. They are going to ride Ronnie Brown’s option offense right through the AFC and into the big game. They already beat the two teams that played for the AFC championship last year, who will stand in their way? It’s safe to say that this is not what Parcells had in mind when he took over the reigns of the team, but it’s working. To think the Dolphins have spent so long looking for a quarterback when they never really needed one. Ronnie Brown will be the highest rated passer in the league by the end of the year, going 10 for 10 with 10 touchdowns. Go ahead and laugh at me. You’ll see soon enough. The Pats and Chargers aren’t laughing. Pick time.

New Orleans (-7) over Oakland

How will the Raiders respond after the whole debacle with Lane Kiffin? Wait, does anybody care? It’s the Raiders. The Saints need this win after giving the game to Minnesota on Monday night, and they will.
Sidenote: when will teams realize that Martin Gramatica is not good and should not be in the league?

Baltimore (+3.5) over Indianapolis

The Colts owe this loss to karma. They were handed last week’s game on a silver platter as a gift from God, and they don’t deserve to win this game. They haven’t looked like the Colts of old at all, but I still have that feeling in my stomach that they will pull out close games at the end. It’s time for that to end. It starts this week.

New York Jets (-9.5) over Cincinnati

The Bengals played the Cowboys tough last week. They played the Giants tough a couple weeks before that. Why do they play well against the NFC East, the best division in the game? Well the Jets aren’t in that division, and I think their offense will pick up where they left off against Arizona, especially when they face the vaunted Cincy defense. Throw in the fact that Palmer isn’t going to play, and this is going to be a blowout.

Carolina (+1.5) over Tampa Bay

I am so excited that Carolina has returned to its form from their Super Bowl year. I knew that the return of Muhsin Muhammed was all they needed. Jake Delhomme’s “Tommy John” surgery was a cover up; apparently he just replaced his right arm with a bionic one because he is slinging the ball. I don’t know why I like the Panthers, but what do you care. Tampa Bay won’t be able to run the ball, and I don’t think Griese’s arm can score enough points for the Bucs to win. Tampa is too distracted by the Rays right now anyways.

Minnesota (-13.5) over Detroit

There’s not much to say here. I think Detroit should literally be spotted 13.5 points, then this would be a very interesting game. Minnesota finally gets a break in their tough schedule, and they are going to take advantage of it.

Chicago (-3) over Atlanta

That win in Green Bay was huge for this overachieving Falcons team, and they’ve proved they are going to put up a fight this year. I still believe the Bears are a better team and more fit to make a playoff run, but there’s no doubt that Atlanta is having the best season in the league so far. They needed this start, and hopefully they can continue it.

Miami (+3) at Houston

What did I say? Houston is done. Put a fork in them. They are devastated, and now they will get pummeled by the invincible force that is the Miami Dolphins. The stars are aligning and this is the perfect situation for a rout.

Washington (-13.5) over St. Louis

Alright Washington, I’m sorry. I doubted you. I thought your win in Dallas was somewhat of a fluke. Forgive me. I am now officially on your bandwagon, and I will ride your coattails for as long as you can keep this up. This matchup seems extremely unfair, and is cruel and unusual punishment for the Rams.

Denver (-3.5) over Jacksonville

Wow, Denver’s defense does exist. Now if they can be consistent, Denver has a chance to be really good. The Jags have looked shaky all season, and the home field advantage should be enough for the Broncos to get the victory, even if their defense does disappear again.

Philadelphia (-4.5) over San Francisco

The Eagles have to be the best 2-3 team in the history of the league. I still look at them as a Super Bowl threat if they can stay healthy. Unfortunately that is their problem. No Brian Westbrook shouldn’t stop them from beating the 49ers, but they can only go so far in the NFC East if he’s consistently getting hurt.

Dallas (-4.5) over Arizona

Dallas’ defense has been overrated and they’ve been struggling lately, but the Cardinals’ defense is no prize either. This is going to be a shootout, and despite 9,000 passing yards from Kurt Warner, the Cowboys will still pull it out.

Green Bay (+1.5) over Seattle

How can Seattle be favored here? Granted the Packers are having their problems, but they are still a solid team. The Seahawks proved just how terrible they can be last week against the Giants. Sometimes it looks like they are not even trying.

San Diego (-5) over New England

This is really hard for me to do. I love the Pats, but I have to face the music. Nothing is going to happen this year. The Chargers’ talent will finally come out and the Pats defense will once again be exposed. Most of New England has the Sox to take their minds off this NFL season, but I’m a Yankees fan. What do I do?

New York Giants (-8) over Cleveland

Upon hearing that the Giants were facing the Browns, Eli Manning announced “Oooo, we’re scared.” Hah that will never get old, I love that commercial. This is the definition of a mismatch. The Browns and Derek Anderson have proved they were just a one-year-wonder.

Last Week: 10-3-1
Season: 15-11-1